A special thank you from the Lame Game Marathon team.


Whew! We did it! Again!

After 24 hours and over 20 really REALLY bad games the Lame Game Marathon has come to a close for another year. It was a hard slog but we all had a lot of fun and we hope you all did too. Thanks to your generous support we were able to break last years donation record and raise $7,831* in funds for UNICEF, that’s enough money to get 28,367 measles vaccinations to needy children and it will make a huge difference to those less fortunate than us.

Now that we are all rested and back to 100% want to extend our thanks to everybody who helped us make the Lame Game Marathon 3 the best one yet:

A huge thanks go out to the awesome people who donated hardware and prizes for us to give away during the marathon, this includes Firemonkeys, EA Melbourne and Jiggsy, Namco Bandai Australia, Capsulecomputers, The Nerd Cave in Sydney, dbolical.com, Woodpecker Heating and Cooling, Michael Wasseman of Tiltify.com, James Flamestar and Netfocus IT Solutions.

Next we want to thank all the writers and bloggers who wrote about the marathon and helped spread the word about our little charity adventure, this includes Stevivor.com, KotakuAU, Destructoid, Pixel-Otaku, GamespotAU, NonFictionGaming, CapsuleComputers, DoubleJump, GamerThumb and everybody else who wrote, posted, liked, tweeted and shared news about the Lame Game Marathon. It is thanks to you that people even know about the Lame Game Marathon in the first place.

Mister ChefNow as the Lame Game Marathon’s main writer-of-posts guy (it’s James here by the way, hello!) I would also like to give a shout-out to the entire Lame Game Marathon team for all the hard work they have put in to planning and organising this event. First we have our lame gamers, Mark, Dan and Dukey who put on their bravest face while playing such terrible games, extra credit goes to Dukey for his first time in the lame gamer’s chair!

Then we have our hosts, Mick, Sam, Leo and Shane, who did an amazing job keeping the stream alive even through the graveyard shift that is the wee hours of the morning, it ain’t easy being entertaining at that hour in the morning.
And then we have our behind-the-scenes team of Pat, Nathan, Em, Maz and Jus who did a smashing job to keep everything running smoothly in the background as well as managing the chat and social feeds during the event. Thank you guys, you have all outdone yourselves this year.

And finally we have one last very special group to thank for making this marathon a reality, and that is all of you.
Thanks to all of your support we have been able to keep the Lame Game Marathon running for three years now and raise over $20,000 in donations for those who truly need it. Thank you for supporting the marathon, thank you for watching and thank you for donating, you contributions will help make a huge difference to children around the world in need.

THANK YOU!


So what’s next for the Lame Game Marathon?
Who knows? I guess you will just have to watch this space to find out.


*Donation count as of October 31 2013
 

Join the Lame Game Marathon Scavenger Hunt!


During the course of the Lame Game Marathon our viewers and fans have been a very giving bunch, giving us their time, their attention, and generously donating their money to UNICEF so they can help underprivileged children across the world. We are very grateful for this support and so we have decided to give a little something back to our fans.

Throughout the marathon we will be handing out all sorts of swag and prizes that has been generously donated by these awesome groups and individuals, but we also have some larger prize packs to offer our fans, and so we are announcing…

The Lame Game Marathon Scavenger Hunt!

Starting from 10am (AEDT) on October 26, throughout the course of the marathon we will be displaying a series of 20 codewords, some of these codewords will be very obvious while some others will be hidden in the stream, on our social pages, around the Lame Game Marathon website and perhaps in some other sneaky places too.
Be sure to keep your eyes peeled and note down as many codewords as you can see through the marathon, then at the end of the event we will give you an opportunity to submit all the codewords you have found.

Whoever submits the most amount of correct codewords will win an awesome prize pack valued at over $330AUD consisting of:
- A Turtle Beach DPX 21 Headset w/ 5.1/7.1 Dolby (Playstation 3 version)
- Hitman Absolution Collectors Edition (PC version)
- Tomb Raider Collectors Edition (PC version)
- A Battlefield 4 Origin download code (PC version)
- A set of Battlefield 4 Dogtags

For those of you who may not be able to watch the whole stream, fret not, for we have some thing for you too!

Each valid entry that submits more than 12 correct codewords will go into the draw to win an awesome prize pack valued at over $200AUD consisting of:
- A Turtle Beach Ear Force PX3 Wireless Gaming Headset (Playstation 3 version)
- Battlefield 4 Origin download code (PC version)
- A set of Battlefield 4 Dogtags


We would like to offer a HUGE thanks to Tiltify.com and EA Australia for their ridiculously generous support in donating these prizes. Be sure to head to www.lamegamemarathon/thanks to see who else have been absolute champions supporting the Lame Game Marathon.

Make sure you tune in to the Lame Game Marathon at www.lamegamemarathon.com from 10am (AEDT) 26 October to participate in the Scavenger Hunt, have a chance win some other awesome prizes, and help us raise more money for UNICEF than we ever have!

This competition is available for participants worldwide, and entries are limited to one per person.
Full terms and conditions can be found here.
 

Police Force

Platform: PC

Release date: December 9, 2011

Developer responsible for this: Qudriga Games

The Gist

Police Force is a simulation game that puts you in control of two policemen (one policeman and one policewoman) walking the streets of Germany, as you walk your beat you will need to keep an eye out for crime and to respond to emergencies such as car accidents and muggings. As you successfully complete shifts your officers will earn commendations and promotions, granting access to more of the map and opening up new missions such as car chases and responding to bank robberies.

Why is it so bad?

Cops are tops Just like all of the other games that Excalibur publish, Police Force is a simulation game at heart. So rather than romanticising the life of a police officer with constant action and adventure, Police Force puts you through a lot of the mundane day-to-day tasks that make up most of an officer’s duties.

This means instead of beating up crooks you are walking the beat, using your PDA to scan license plates, setting up speed cameras, calling in tow trucks to collect damaged vehicles and breaking up the occasional scuffle between two drunks. You will repeat these every-day tasks over and over, and they get very boring very quickly. Eventually you will earn the rank to encounter some of the more interesting missions, but even then the game’s slow pace and awkward controls make these events boring and tedious.

If you come to Police Force expecting an inverse GTA you will be bitterly disappointed, while it is commendable of the developers to try to portray police life in a realistic manner the game itself is buggy, slow, awkward and simply not fun.

"I want to first and foremost tell you that I did not spend the whole game handcuffing and pepper-spraying random people, noooooo sir, not me….Moving on…." - calmdowntom.com

 

Dragon’s Lair (NES Version)

Platform: Nintendo Entertainment System

Release date: December 1990

Developer responsible for this: MotiveTime

The Gist

A NES port of the arcade game by the same name, Dragon’s Lair puts you in control of Dirk the Daring as he navigates a series of traps and monsters in order to rescue Princess Daphne from an evil dragon.

Despite the original game being more like an interactive cartoon with quicktime events, this port of the game is a slow paced 2D puzzle platformer, in fact the only gameplay aspect that remains the same between the two versions is the game’s crushing difficulty. Unfortunately the NES port of Dragon’s Lair is difficult for all of the wrong reasons.

Why is it so bad?

Spaaaaaaaaaaace! The arcade original of Dragon’s Lair was known to be difficult, but in an arcade environment this was acceptable as the controls were simple and players could simply buy more lives when they died. The NES port on the other hand maintains the insta-death high difficulty of the original, but compounds the issue with poor controls and a ridiculously stingy lives system.

The game controls terribly, not only is gameplay slow and sluggish, but the control bindings are confusing and unintuitive. The select button is used to pause, the start button is to use an item, B is to jump and A is to attack, this control scheme is the reverse of what 99% of other NES games use and it makes no sense why the developers would have programmed it this way.

So the game is hard and controls poorly, but the icing on the cake for Dragon’s Lair is the lives/checkpoint system.
You see, picture in the game that you have to get through seven floors, these floors are full of surprise traps and monsters that will instantly kill you on contact. Now imagine trying to get through all this with too few checkpoints, and you are given only five lives to do this, AND if you run out of lives you have to restart the ENTIRE GAME. The only way to beat the game is through learning and repetition, but he game’s controls and lives system makes this nearly impossible.
This is among the finest in controller-breaking frustration generating technology.

"This game is like a cruel joke that you play on your friends" - The Angry Videogame Nerd (Cinemassacre.com)

 

Multiplayer Bonus Game 4: Moonbase Alpha

Platform: PC

Release date: July 6, 2010

Developer responsible for this: Virtual Heroes Inc, America’s Army Game Studio

The Gist

Moonbase Alpha is a co-op game developed as a precursor to NASA’s planned MMO, it is designed to give people an idea of what life on a moon outpost could possibly be like.

In Moonbase Alpha players take on the role of astronauts at a moon outpost which has just suffered a meteor strike, the players must repair the damaged components of the base before time runs out and the base’s life support systems fail. For each game the layout of the base and the severity if its damage is different, and the game requires organised teamwork if players want to see their names on the online leaderboards.

Why is it so bad?

Spaaaaaaaaaaace!It is unfair to call Moonbase Alpha a ‘bad’ or ‘lame’ game. This sort of game is what is known as a ‘Serious Game’ where education or simulation takes a higher priority over entertainment value, and Moonbase Alpha is known to be quite a good Serious Game (it is also completely free).

So why have we chosen a perfectly decent serious game as our fourth multiplayer bonus game? For fun of course! Moonbase Alpha may be a co-operative game about repairing a damaged moon outpost, but why do that when we can moonwalk and cruise around in moon buggies! The game has also earned a humorous reputation for its use of in-game text to speech chat, which has been exploited by fans to turn a serious game into a co-op game about robotic singing astronauts.

This multiplayer bonus round will be different from the others as it will not be competitive, instead we are going to use this round to allow some Lame Game Marathon fans to join in the fun! The game allows for 6 players and an extra 6 spectators, so if any fans wish to join our lame gamers in saving the moon simply download and install the game from Steam or the NASA website. Once you have done that be ready to strap that suit on and do your best George Clooney/Sandra Bullock impression because WE’RE GOING SPACEWALKING!

"…it’s not designed to necessarily entertain you in the way a retail game would" - gameplanet.co.nz

 

Wild Woody

Platform: Sega CD

Release date: 1995 (No specific date found)

Developer responsible for this: Sega of America

The Gist

Wild Woody is a 2D platforming adventure about a seemingly insane anthropomorphic pencil that must save the world by jumping in to various artworks to collect totem heads. Being a pencil Wild Woody has the ability to make anything he draws come to life, he also has a standard melee attack by using the eraser on his behind which the instruction manual colourfully describes as ‘rubbing one out’. Yep, the instruction book said that.

Why is it so bad?

Okay what?Where do you begin with a game like Wild Woody?
Well I guess the best place to start would be the name, Wild Woody (or as the protagonist calls himself, “WIIIIIIIIIILD WOODY!!”) is a super dumb name that sets the tone for the stream of lame innuendos that you can expect to see throughout the rest of the game. The name is so bad that it has been mentioned in two notable videogame websites as among the worst game/character names of all time.

When you stop laughing at the name and begin the actual game you will be greeted some amazingly bad cut-scenes, I would recommend playing the game just to see the terrible 90’s CG with extreeeeeeme voice acting the cut-scenes offer. Unfortunately in order to see most of these cut-scenes (besides looking them up on youtube) you have to actually play the game, which with its terrible platforming controls feels like a shallow imitation of Earthworm Jim.

Wild Woody was released just before the SegaCD died and the game went straight into bargain bins everywhere, but even thought the game never got it’s chance to shine many Lame Game connoisseurs such as ourselves have tracked it down and are now able to give proper recognition to the bizarre experience that is Wild Woody.
Sorry, I meant WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILD WOODY!!!!!

Dishonourable Mention: “The game title was tragic, and I refuse to relay any of the jokes the crew made up during development.” - Opusgames.com (personal site of an ex-Wild Woody developer)