This is the second year that we’ve hosted the Lame Game Marathon, and as much fun as it is to be a part of, the fact is it takes a lot of hard work to make a reality. Many of us work tirelessly to set-up, organize, manage and promote the marathon so that it has the best chance of being as entertaining and inspiring as possible. Our motivation is the hope that we can create something to motivate others into helping people who really need it the most.
Of course, setting up a 24 hour gaming marathon is not going to achieve anything if nobody knows about it, so over the past few weeks we’ve been receiving the help of some amazing people to spread the word of the Marathon. From gaming websites and blogs, TV shows, pod-casts and radio, right though to people sharing posts of support on Twitter and Facebook, every single bit of support has helped us to increase the exposure of the marathon so much further than we ever could have hoped to on our own.
So, while we can’t list everybody (because there are just so many of you!) we’ve put together a quick list of some of the people who’ve significantly helped us tell as many people as possible about what the Lame Game Marathon is all about. These are just some of the people who we’d like to sincerely thank with everything that we have for helping us try and make a small difference.
While this list is a good start, there are still so many people to thank (and the marathon hasn’t even started yet!). We’ll try to cover as many people as we can during the broadcast, but all we can say right now is a massive thank you to absolutely everybody who has helped the Lame Game Marathon and helped to support the children and families who are affected crisis in West Africa.
From the LGM Team - Dan, James, Mark, Dukey, Leo, Kuda, Mick, Sam, Jus, Em & Patrick, thank you!
The Line-Up - “Big Rigs. Yes, Big Rigs….yes, THE Big Rigs.
Big Rigs Over the Road Racing Platform: PC
Release date: November 20, 2003
Developer responsible for this: Stellar Stone
The Gist: Big Rigs Over the Road Racing is the world’s best known truck racing game. The goal of the game is to race your truck and the illegal cargo you are carrying over the state line, all the while trying to beat rival truckers to your destination as well as avoiding the police who are intent on chasing you down
Why is it so bad?
Above we mention that Big Rigs Over the Road Racing is the world’s best known truck racing game, this statement is true, unfortunately for developers Stellar Stone the statement is true for all of the wrong reasons.
This could be one of the most broken retail games ever released for the PC.
First of all let’s mention your truck. The game seems to have put you in command of an experimental super truck that somehow escaped from a top-secret facility, because this truck seems to simply ignore even the most basic rules of physics. The truck can drive up 90 degree inclines without any decrease in speed, the truck can accelerate to speeds beyond 190 BILLION miles per hour, and the truck can stop on a dime. No really, as soon as you stop accelerating, the truck stops dead. 190,000,000,000 to zero in one second. Yep.
Next, there is the AI opponents. AI is a very loose term here because your racing opponents have no AI. Not to say that they are really poor drivers, no, they actually have no AI programmed into them. You begin the race and the opponents do not do a single thing. They just sit on the start line and let you carry on in your magical space truck.
Then there are the police. Now, the whole other premise of the game besides racing is to avoid the police because they are trying to stop you escaping with illegal cargo, except the game has no police in it, your trucks aren’t even pulling any cargo!
The list of broken physics glitches and unfinished design decisions goes on and on, but we don’t want to spoil all of the surprises now do we?
When people talk about lame games, this is the one that comes to mind for most people, this is the big one, this is the game that the Lame Game Marathon has been waiting for.
Our bodies are ready.ies are ready.
Dishonourable Mention: “Please do not play this game. We cannot stress this enough” - Gamespot.com
The Line-Up - Yes, Ms. President Cat. Right away Ms. President Cat.
Sukeban Shachou Rena (we think it roughly translates to ‘President Cat Rena’) Platform: Playstation
Release date: October 22, 2009
Developer responsible for this: Jorudan
The Gist: Rena is a cat. A cat who is also the president of a company called Cat Queen Inc. Your job in Sukeban Shachou Rena is to impress Rena enough through a series of cat related minigames to convince her to give you a job. The minigames include playing the piano with a cat, dodging cats as they fling themselves at you, and dancing for Rena’s amusement.
Unfortunately Sukeban Shachou Rena did not fare so well in Japanese stores, selling approximately 100 copies in its first week, making it possibly the worst selling Wii game ever made.
Why is it so bad?
While the concept of trying to appease a cat that is also your prospective employer is strange enough, the minigames in Sukeban Shachou Rena are possibly even more bizarre.
In order to impress Rena you will find yourself playing minigames such as dodging cats, stealing money from cats, playing spot the cat, performing cat-based trivia with cats (did I mention the trivia text is all in Japanese?), playing piano with cats, cats cats cats cats cats.
Dishonourable Mention:“Yet another forgettable Wii title based on mini-games” - Pixlbit.com
The Line Up - Washed up 90’s mascot adventures in 3D
Bubsy 3D Platform: Playstation
Release date:October 31, 1996
Developer responsible for this: Eidetic
The Gist: Everybody’s favourite 90’s videogame mascot Bubsy the Bobcat has found himself on the Planet of the Woolies, where everything is in three dimensions! Bubsy must explore this strange new 3D planet and collect rocket parts so he may find a way home, he must watch out for his enemies the Rayon, who will try to stop him at every turn. Can Bubsy defeat the Rayon and make it off the Planet of the Woolies? Only time will tell, but we can all be sure that Bubsy will have so many hilarious catchphrases to say along the way.
Why is it so bad?
In the 90’s when 3D technology was still very young, many game developers attempted to successfully design a fun, fully 3D platforming game to take the videogaming world by storm. Many games such as Mario 64 succeeded and have became all-time classics, while other games fell into obscurity due to their poor graphics or terrible controls, and then you have the games that were so bad that they went far below mediocrity and became legends in their own right.
Bubsy 3D is at the top (or bottom?) of this list.
When people talk about bad 3D platforming, they talk about Bubsy 3D. The game feels like it was a terrible rush-job, with very little thought put into making the game look or control coherently at all. The entire 3D world looks like a psychedelic chessboard, the camera has a mind of it’s own, Bubsy himself controls like a 50-ton tank, the music is repetitive and annoying, and then there is the issue with Bubsy himself. Just look at the title screen:
Look at that face! It’s horrifying! And then there is the issue of Bubsy’s voice. With a high-pitched over-the-top childish lisp Bubsy’s bizarre catch phrases burn themselves into the inside of your skull. While playing the game is hard enough, it is simply coping with Bubsy himself as a character that will be the hardest challenge of all.
Dishonourable Mention: “You can almost taste how much the Bubsy 3D makers hated the children of America” - Seanbaby.com
What does it take to be a “Lame Gamer”? A new Edu-tainmentary video!
In the case that you fine people may require a slight re-cap on what’s going on, may I present a brand new “Edu-tainmentary Video”, detailing the very detailed details of exactly what goes into becoming a “Lame Gamer”.
The Line-Up - “You can’t control me, I’m the Ninjabread Man!”
Ninjabread Man Platform: Wii
Release date:September 21, 2007
Developer responsible for this: Data Design Interactive
The Gist: Ninjabread Man is a 3D platforming game where you control an angry little gingerbread man who also happens to be a ninja. Candyland is under attack from evil cupcakes and angry bees, and it is up to the Ninjabread Man to save the day. Hitting things with his swords and collecting parts to activate a teleporter (?) so that he may proceed to new lands for some reason or another.
Why is it so bad?
Right from the start, the whole idea of this game is terrible, I mean Candyland? How unoriginal an idea is Candyland? It seems like they thought up of the wordplay in ‘Ninjabread Man’ first and then thought up the rest of the bloody game afterwards.
The controls are horrible, and not well thought out at all, for a clunky 3D platformer you think the jump command would be assigned to something precise such as, y’know, a button, but instead in Ninjabread Man you jump by flicking the Wii nunchuck up in the air, leading to the jump command activating when you don’t want it to, and not activating when you DO want it to. As well as playing bad, the game looks terrible, it looks like a PS2 game ported across to the wii, most likely because it IS a PS2 game ported across to the Wii.
So we have dumb concept, clunky controls, crappy graphics, AND the game if full to the brim with bugs and glitches.
How could this game get any worse? How?!
Oh right, it can be beaten in around half an hour.
Dishonourable Mention: “This is shovelware at a science” - IGN.com